Pilgrimage
by M C Pehrson
Summary: "Pinehaven" Story #4 Spock's daughter Tess is faced with a troubling dilemma, and when she joins a pilgrimage to Vulcan, it brings an ugly surprise.


For the third morning in a row, Tess Blom awoke with a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. There was a virus going around Pinehaven. Last week her stepdaughter Adele missed some school, and two piano students called in sick.

Rain pattered against the windows as Tess rolled over in bed and looked at the little clock on the nightstand. It read 7:14. She could hear her husband Nathan in the kitchen, talking to young Addie about breakfast. He was such a good father, the way he…the way he…

 _What in the world?_

Her pattern of thought changed so abruptly that she reared up from her pillow. A door had swung open. Not a physical door with a handle on it, but a mental aperture that sent light flooding through her intellect, revealing new and wonderful places that a lifetime of shadows had kept hidden. Outside, the raindrops beat down harder, but she no longer heard them. Her heart raced with excitement. Her eyes remained fixed on the clock—7:15, 7:16—as each thought kept flowing smooth and clear, like the water in Plum Creek, where she had played as a child. Even those early memories seemed different now—so much sharper and nearer, so much more real. She could hardly wait to tell Nathan!

Forgetting her nausea, she bolted out of bed, pulled on a robe, and hurried into the kitchen. Adele saw her coming and met her with a hug.

"G'morning Tess," she said, her golden hair swaying.

Nathan turned from the counter, beaming cheerfully. "Feeling better? Breakfast is almost ready. Blueberry waffles ala Nathan." Puffs of steam rose from the waffle iron behind him.

"Nathan…" Tess began, but a sudden swarm of worries silenced her.

He had known her mental limitations when they married last summer. What if this sudden change in her intellect made her seem like a stranger? Or what if the change pleased him, but it didn't last? Then he would be disappointed. Either way, he might never again feel the same way about her.

"Tess." His expressive face showed concern. "Still sick?"

Forcing a smile, she said, "A little queasy. I think I'll take the day off."

"Good idea," he agreed. "Just relax; you'll have the whole house to yourself."

But as he turned back to the waffles, her sharp new mind was hard at work, making other plans.

oooo

By noon, Tess was feeling better and ate a sandwich before transporting to Boise for an appointment.

"Thank-you for seeing me on such short notice," she told Doctor Greer.

The specialist had followed her mental progress since early childhood. He listened closely as she described the change that came over her that morning. After asking a few questions, he scanned her entire body on a diagnostic bed, paying particular attention to her brain, and then compared the readings to a chart displayed on a nearby monitor.

Rubbing his bearded chin, he faced her and said, "Well, Tess, I think marriage must agree with you. There's no doubt about it. You're experiencing a significant improvement in cognitive function…and though I can't explain _how_ it's happening, I can probably guess why."

Tess tried to contain her impatience as he reactivated the scanner.

"Feeling a little tired?" he asked in a preoccupied tone. "A little sick?"

Surprised, Tess said, "Yes, I have. Why? Do you think a virus has something to do with this?"

He laughed softly and shut the scanner off. "The nine month flu. Tess, you're pregnant." She scarcely had time to absorb the information before he added, "It's very possible that the hormones released by your pregnancy triggered the improvement. This sort of thing happened before, only more slowly, when you transitioned through puberty to adulthood."

"But I've tried hormone therapy," she reminded him.

"Yes," he agreed, "but your halfling physiology is extremely complex. A few hormones can't duplicate all the systemic changes that occur during a pregnancy. Congratulations."

oooo

Back at home, Tess stood at a living room window and gazed out at the storm for a long time.

Nathan phoned from the shop, looking worried. "Are you alright? I called before and you didn't answer."

"I'm fine," she assured him with a twinge of guilt. Then she lied outright. "I…I was asleep."

Tess felt ashamed. Before their wedding, both a Yanashite priest and a rabbi had given them counseling on the foundation of a good marriage, which included honesty. Now here she was, carrying Nathan's precious little baby, and instead of joy she was paralyzed with anxiety. Before leaving the doctor, she had asked if the change in her mental function was only temporary. He had assured her that, like all her past gains, this one was almost certain to be permanent. _Almost._

"Go home and celebrate," he had said.

But Tess didn't feel like celebrating. What had become of her simple faith in God and her heartfelt trust in Nathan? This new complexity of thought made her head reel with unpleasant possibilities. Dreading Nathan's rejection, she put on her best smile and tried to act like her usual self when Addie and Nathan came home. Nathan did not seem to notice any difference in her, but all night she lay awake, listening to the sound of his untroubled breathing.

oooo

The rain finally stopped. Patches of blue peeked through the morning clouds as Tess walked up the avenue to her music studio. Despite the doctor's prescription, her stomach still felt a bit nauseous from worry and lack of sleep. She was opening the studio door when her mother called. Tess answered on her wrist phone.

"Guess what?" T'Naisa said in an excited voice. She didn't wait for Tess to reply. "You know the pilgrimage Simon is leading to Mount Seleya next week? Well, I've reserved places for you and me. You've never seen Vulcan before, and I want you to meet your grandmother T'Gara. She's getting used to the fact that I'm a Yanashite, since it's had such a good effect on me. Believe it or not, I was pretty wild in my youth."

Still on the phone, Tess stepped into the music room and took a moment to collect her thoughts. She could not imagine her mother being anything but upright and responsible. And as for the trip…

"Come on, Tessie," Mother urged. "I won't take no for an answer. It's only a month, including travel, and I'm paying your way."

Tess hovered on the verge of a refusal, but for the first time in her life, the idea of leaving Earth intrigued her. Going to Vulcan would also give her time to think and plan and decide on the best course of action. Perhaps on the holy mountain of Seleya, the Shiav would make everything clear. And with her mother along, Simon would have to be nice. Though T'Naisa was not his birth mother, he was very fond of her and always treated Tess better when she was around.

"Actually," Tess said, "it sounds wonderful. I'll talk it over with Nathan."

That very evening, Tess brought up the subject over dinner.

The worry lines on Nathan's forehead deepened. "Vulcan? But I thought it wasn't safe there for Yanashites."

"Things are getting better," Tess explained. "The easing on travel restrictions proves it, and Mother said we'll stay on Mount Seleya. That's the main Yanashite compound, and it's very safe. Grandmother T'Gara will come visit us there."

Nathan's endearing love for her made him willing to make the sacrifice. Tess contacted the babysitter who had cared for Adele in the past, then went on to inform her piano students.

oooo

The space journey to Vulcan proved so exciting that Tess experienced very little homesickness. It was her first trip on a starliner, and she passed many an hour gazing out the wide steelglass windows of the observation deck. She was seldom alone. T'Naisa was often nearby, and the little group of travelers tended to gravitate together. Apart from Simon, Tess, and her mother, the pilgrimage was comprised of seven young Vulcans and two humans who had married Yanashites and converted to the faith. Simon's wife was among those humans. Dane was beautiful, with smooth golden hair. She could sing like an angel, and her violin was like a second voice, rich and sweet and haunting. Though Tess stood in awe of her, Dane always did her best to make Tess feel welcome.

As official leader of the group, Simon downloaded information into everyone's padds and led daily discussions on the religious significance of their itinerary.

During one session, a sudden question occurred to Tess, and she whispered, "Mom, why are there two D's in padd?"

In a hushed tone, T'Naisa explained, "PADD is an acronym. The letters stand for Personal Access Display Device."

Simon's keen ears picked up the exchange, and like a disapproving schoolmaster, he fell pointedly silent.

"Sorry," Tess told him, and Mother slipped an arm around her.

After that, Tess did not speak in her brother's presence.

oooo

Mount Seleya towered above a trackless expanse of jagged canyons and desert land. Overhead, the glowering face of T'Khut loomed large in Vulcan's scorching red sky. How strange it all seemed to Tess, how different from cool, green Idaho where she grew up. Yet, well into adulthood her father had called Vulcan home, and even her mother had spent years on this desolate world. It was here that Yanash brought her parents together, and to Tess that made the barren planet special.

Seleya held a maze of ancient chambers hewn from the dense mountain rock. The lower levels were open to the streams of pilgrims, like themselves, who came to visit the holy site where Yanash sacrificed Himself for all of Vulcan. This area housed a religious school, and as one ascended to the priests' residence where Tess would stay with Simon and her mother, a great temple came into view. From this height, Tess could look over a wall, see water geysering from the ledge of Yanash's execution, and feel the precious mist on her face. Such an atmosphere of serenity hung over the entire complex, that she experienced some relief from her concerns.

On their second day, Father's kindly Uncle Sparn and Aunt T'Prinka came to join them for the duration of the visit. Then Grandmother T'Gara arrived and spent a single afternoon while Simon led the other pilgrims to a different site. As a full-blooded Vulcan trained in the Surakian tradition, T'Gara seemed unnaturally stiff and formal. It was hard to think of her as a blood relation. Tess wished she could have met Gilbert Brandt, the space station engineer who raised Mother in the human way, but he had died years ago. Though T'Naisa had dutifully informed Grandfather Sarek of their arrival, he of course declined to set foot on a Yanashite stronghold. Ironically, the ashes of his human wife, Amanda Grayson, had been scattered at the foot of this very mountain before the Yanashites claimed it.

Upon Simon's return, Tess learned that there was a piano on Mount Seleya. To her chagrin, the High Priest Sorel asked her to accompany Simon on his violin. She had never played with her famous brother, and Simon's cold blue eyes made it clear that he was not pleased with the idea. But with Sorel looking on, he forced a taut smile and fetched his violin. Both adults and school children assembled in a hall for the impromptu concert.

Raising the violin to his chin, Simon gave Tess a nod. "Go ahead. I'll follow."

A wave of nausea swept over her as she stared at the piano keys. Choosing one of Simon's own compositions, she settled her trembling fingers into place and began. Simon flawlessly interwove his notes with hers, but she took no pleasure in the music. As a child she had always longed to touch the smooth, gleaming wood of Simon's violin, but he would never allow it. Yet here she was, playing alongside him like a musical equal. She didn't blame him for being upset. She was only a savant, while he had true genius.

At the end of the piece, the audience applauded in the measured manner in which Vulcans honored the human custom. The humans among them clapped harder, along with T'Naisa and a Vulcan woman from their group named T'Asha. Their appreciation helped Tess relax as she and Simon played more selections. Afterward she thanked her brother, and he offered a cool nod before disappearing into the priests' quarters.

T'Naisa immediately went off to a temple ceremony with Sparn and T'Prinka, so Tess found herself with a rare moment of solitude. She sighed deeply. The trip was nearly half over, and she had not yet resolved her problem. Over and over she placed herself in the hands of Yanash, but stubborn worries kept resurfacing. Would Nathan love her as she was? Would he welcome the change in her intellect or feel as if she were a stranger? Her pregnancy complicated the situation. The two of them had discussed children, so she was certain that he would be delighted about the baby. But knowing that she was pregnant would make him more protective of her feelings. He might only pretend he still loved her, but she would sense that he was lying, and that bitter possibility brought tears to her eyes.

Tess retrieved her padd from atop the piano. Hidden among the Spartan bedchambers were private meditation rooms open to anybody, and she ducked into the first one that she found. It was large enough to accommodate a small group. Pale rosy light spilled from narrow openings high in the stone wall. Leaving the door ajar, she bypassed the meditation stones and settled into a dim corner to read. It was cooler on the floor. With her back against the wall, she keyed up information on pregnancy, childbirth, and infant care. Learning no longer challenged her, and this subject was particularly fascinating.

She had not been reading very long when she heard footsteps in the corridor. The heavy door swung open and closed behind two people. Even in the faint light, she plainly saw that one of them was Simon. If it had been anyone else, she would have made her presence known, but anticipating his icy scorn, she switched off her padd and sat motionless, her heart thudding.

Simon spoke in a soft voice, and a woman answered. They changed position. Now the woman stood where the light touched her face, and Tess recognized T'Asha. She was a young, exquisitely beautiful Vulcan with glossy dark hair. As Tess watched, Simon extended his right hand toward T'Asha, and they stood very close together, looking deeply into one another's eyes.

Tess expected that T'Asha would drop to her knees and ask Simon for the Forgiving Touch. But T'Asha remained standing. Slowly she lifted her hand. Simon brought his palm into contact with hers and began lightly exploring her fingers. At that instant, Tess knew she was witnessing something other than a religious ritual. She had once seen her parents touching in that same intimate manner, and she knew that it rightly belonged within a Vulcan marriage.

A gasp of shock escaped her.

Simon and T'Asha's hands jerked apart. Simon whirled toward the shadowy corner where Tess sat.

"Who is there?" he demanded in Vulcan.

Reluctantly Tess stood to face her brother's wrath.

 _"You,"_ he exclaimed, reverting to Standard. "What, are you playing spy now?"

Tess's new mental clarity made Simon's disdain all the more bitter. Swallowing hard, she looked at T'Asha and saw her color rise. The woman's shamed, downcast eyes told the tale plainly. No matter what Simon said now, Tess knew that she had not been mistaken in her appraisal of the situation.

"Spying?" She answered. "No, Simon. If you'd ever shown me a scrap of kindness, I would have let you know I was here. _I_ have nothing to hide."

Simon made a derisive noise. With his gaze fixed on Tess, he said, "T'Asha…leave us."

The young woman swiftly obeyed, and as she closed the door behind her, Tess experienced a stab of fear. She did not want to be alone with Simon, but he had positioned himself between her and the only exit. Seeing that she was cornered emboldened her.

"Get out of my way," she demanded.

"So you can run to your mama and tell on me?"

Her temper rising, she said, "Simon, how could you! Think of Dane!"

"Be quiet," he snapped. "You always did have an overactive imagination. T'Asha and I weren't doing anything inappropriate. If you must know, she has trouble dealing with her emotions, and I was only trying to calm her."

Tess did not believe him. "That woman loves you, Simon. And you—"

"Be quiet, I said!" He stepped closer, and as the light shone on his menacing face, Tess wondered if he might actually hurt her. But he kept his hands to himself, and she realized that she was no longer frightened _or_ angry. She felt only a great sense of disappointment.

"I'll be quiet," she promised, "if you give me reason to."

"Blackmail?" he asked cuttingly. "Why, you little conniving…"

She could not help but smile sadly. "All my life, you've done your best to ignore me. Now that you can't, you accuse me of extortion. Yes, Simon, I do expect something from you, but not for myself. I want your fidelity to Dane and to the faith that you profess as a priest. Seleya is a sacred place, but today you've profaned it. I hate to think how long this has been going on. I want your promise that you'll break it off right now and confess to Sorel."

He studied her through narrowed eyes. "You, telling _me_ what to do?"

"Would you rather _I_ told Sorel? Deny everything if you like, but I suspect he would demand your thoughts…and discover the truth for himself."

Simon looked as if his stomach had gone sour. "You've changed," he said.

Tess nodded. "Funny, isn't it? You're the only one who's noticed."

At that, Simon grudgingly gave his word and they parted. Nothing more was said about his dalliance with T'Asha, but the knowledge hung over the three of them like a damp, drizzling cloud. Simon would never again have Tess's respect, but she tried not to judge him harshly. A telepath bonded to a human wife like Dane could all too easily hold back a part of himself. And in her own way, Tess felt almost as deceptive as her brother. Hadn't she been keeping secrets from Nathan? She was glad when they boarded the starliner, for she missed her husband terribly. When she got back to Earth, she would trust in his love and hold nothing back.

oooo

Nathan met her at the regional spaceport. Sweeping her into his arms, he kissed her so ardently that Tess thought her heart would burst.

"Oh, let me look at you," she said afterward, taking in every beloved feature of his face. Simple, honest, and comforting, he was like the custom shoes that he crafted in his workshop.

Although they had been in frequent communication, he asked, "Did you have a good time? I didn't. Not without you."

"Well, I'm back now," she said, her pulse quickening, "and I brought you a surprise—two, actually."

They transported to Pinehaven, where Nathan drove them home through a light drift of snowflakes. Adele was at school, so it was just the two of them. They made some hot cocoa, and then settled together on the living room sofa.

"Now tell me," Nathan said with an arm snugged around her. "What are these surprises of yours?"

Tess gripped her mug tightly and studied the creamy froth swirling atop her drink. There was no sense putting it off any longer. Setting the mug down, she said, "Nathan…I have good news…the very best sort of news. The week before I left, I visited a doctor." And so she explained how her mind had awakened on the rainy morning when he made blueberry waffles.

Joyfully, Nathan swept her to her feet and danced her three times around the room before she managed to tell him, "And I'm going to have a baby."

He came to a stunned halt. Plopping her back on the sofa, he began to fuss in typical Nathan Blom fashion. "You're _pregnant?_ What was I _doing?_ Are you alright? Is the baby alright?"

"Our son is fine," she assured him.

His worries gave way to an ecstatic smile. "A _boy?"_

"Little Nate," she said, "if that's alright with you. I'd like him to carry on your name."

Nathan sank down beside her and fingered her cheek tenderly. "But why didn't you tell me all this before?"

In hindsight, her concerns seemed rather foolish now. She tried her best to explain the dreadful fear that had gripped her—the fear of losing his love.

"But Tess," he said incredulously, "I loved you yesterday, and today I love you even more. Don't you know that I'll always love you…no matter what?"

His tender gaze seemed to reach all the way into her heart. His blue eyes weren't cold like Simon's, but as warm and inviting as a summer day. Slipping her arms around him, she sighed with happiness. "Oh Nathan, I love you, too."

And for a time they sat quietly sharing a sense of contentment too deep for words.

oooOOooo


End file.
